Sunday, 14 October 2012

Da Blu Moonz: Season 5, Week 2

Firstly, no you haven't missed secret posts. I decided to title the Blood Bowl entries based on the actual season of the team. This is the first post about them, but since they're already several seasons old, and I'm starting to write midway through a season, we're joining the action in progress.

Secondly, it's the fashion to write up a match report after you play a match in this league, and post it on the forums there. Sometimes people write very mechanical descriptions of what happened, but surprisingly often people use the opportunity to flex their creative muscles. One particular poster, who is somewhat famous for his match reports, spent around 20 matches adapting various pop songs and then singing along to karaoke tunes for his reports. I spent a few seasons writing all my reports in limericks (that got hard, especially when you need yet another rhyme for 'pitch').

Today's report, though, simply comes in the form of a short story. There will be a few mechanical terms in there that you won't get, but I think it's still entertaining. The one detail that you need to know, however, is that Nuffle is the God of Blood Bowl. That will become relevant.

Da Blu Moonz (Me, Orcs) VS The Rakish Rodents (<Edited Out Other Player>, Skaven)

This is the inspirational story of how people can stand up and make a difference.

Da Blu Moonz had been having a tough time lately, culminating in last week's defeat where they got out-injured by skaven. With 2 of their Blitzers down for the count, they tromped sadly onto the pitch with their mere 1350 TeamValue to face a full 16 players of 2140 TeamValue skaven.

When the opening attack of the Rat Ogre managed to kill a poor orc lineman, whose nickname was simply 'Cudant Fink Uf One', all the green shoulders on the pitch seemed to slump a little lower.

"No." said the halfling chef. "Have 2 rerolls from them. Hell, have them at the start of the second half too."

The orcs rallied with the support of the little halfling, securing the ball in a cage and slowly rumbling forward to score in their turn 8. But most of the skaven that had been removed from the pitch were only knocked out, and they shook themselves awake to return to the field. With the entire skaven team lining up to try and punch some orcs and deal some damage before the whistle, the greenskins braced themselves to lose more players from their skimpy, substitute-less roster.

"No." said the fans. They charged onto the pitch in what appeared to be total chaos, but was actually a careful, surgical strike to take out most of the skaven line of scrimmage, and prevented many of the attacks that should have happened.

Still, as the second half began, the skaven were easily able to secure the ball, and start advancing forward. Despite leaving a hole open for the orcs to put some pressure on the ball carrier, the thrower was able to hurl it forward where it should easily be retrieved and passed to a skaven Gutter Runner to score.

"No." said an errant wizard apprentice from the crowd. "Lightning bolt!" he shouted, apparently hurling a crayon at the aggressive gutter runner and successfully knocking him down, although with no other effect.

Nonetheless, it was enough to throw a wrench into the skaven plans, who were forced to bring rats up from further back and take a couple of extra turns to score. Turns that the orcs used to try and even the scales by stomping rats into the ground, while waving bribe money at the referee.

"No." said the referee. "Keep your money. Just get your mojo back, and win this one for me."

But how could they? With the score at 1-1, a mere 3 turns on the clock, and a full 11 ratmen lined up against only 9 of them... Wasn't it better to avoid risks? Wasn't it better to just play for the draw?

"NO!" roared the crowd. And as the ball sailed down from the kick into the orcs thrower's waiting hands, the crowd returned to the field, knocking over an orc and the troll in their zealousness to stun a full 7 of the skaven players.

And so did the hand of Nuffle himself descend onto the shoulder of the orc thrower, and lo, a voice boomed out. "LONG HAVE YOU TAUNTED ME, ORC THAT IS NAMED BLACK KAT UNNA A LADDA. KNOW TODAY THAT I AM EQUALLY AS BITCHY TO THINE FOES AS I AM TO YOU. GO NOW, THE WAY IS CLEAR."

And so it was.

So it was.

Final Score: Da Blu Moonz 2 - 1 The Rakish Rodents

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